My memories are shell casings of what they ought to be. None of them come in clearly enough to pinpoint and write about. Well, except the monster, but I have told and written that one so many times it plays like a movie for me. I wish my memories were pretty and clear and what they ought to be rather than the shell casings I am left with.
And I’ll remember the love that you gave me
I wish I could remember Jorge better. Jorge was the love of my life, and I don’t say that lightly. I met him in college. He was in my class. We had a stupid bet about something and I won so he had to take me to Dairy Queen for ice cream. I remember inviting one of my roommates along and how it peeved him. After that day we were inseparable.
I’ll remember the way that you changed me
We fought as hard as we loved. Maybe even harder. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about all the time. But he got a little physical and that scared the shit out of me, but I always went back. One time he was so frustrated with me that he pinned me to the bed a yelled as loud as he could into my ear. He had a temper to say the least, but so did I.
I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I’ll remember happiness
Even through all the shit we put one another through, I’ll never forget the happiness we gave to each other. I was so madly, stupidly in love that I am continuing to write about him 6 years later. He was definitely my first love, but I hope not my only love.
Italicized lines are lyrics from “I’ll Remember” by Madonna. No copyright infringement intended.