Are the first words I saw amongst the rest that are in the search. I know it’s silly. I know it’s just a game. I know I shouldn’t probably even bother with a post on it, but it’s under my skin. I like to think it’s hard to get under my skin, but truly it’s not. Once I let you in, it’s a revolving door. Just last night Dipshidiot, again, succeeded into getting under mine. He’d written a postcard to Alice with a PS attached to it saying, “Hello, Sarah… I know you are getting the mail…” That went so under my skin my natural thought that came forth was, “Hello, Dipshidiot. I’d really love to take a metal baseball bat to your head…” Obviously I wouldn’t really do that since I just told you about it. Talk about throwing myself under the bus. As much as we all like to think we are anonymous on the internet, we really aren’t. The right person makes the right search and that’s it. What really does it is the same reason that motivated him to do so. He purposefully wrote on one of those flimsy detention facility postcards so I could read it. Alice obviously told him I’d be watching Dobby (dog) while she and her family were away at Disney World. She tells him everything. Everything I say about him goes back to him. His court date is the 12th. I cannot wait to find out the verdict. I want him sentenced. I want to be able to write a letter to him. One may ask why waste my time? Because I want him to know everything I know about him and I want the jail to read it. I’m sure they all know about it, but it might be a little refreshing for them to not have to read the usual sappy shit-coated love letter on how he is Alice’s sun, moon, and stars. Gag.
I am frustrated that love was first. I am frustrated that love was a contender. Maybe because Alice and Dipshidiot taint that word. I don’t think Alice knows how to love. I think she is looking at Dipshidiot to take care of her financially. My last relationship, I honestly cannot say if there was love. I think my ex will continue to date and have relationships, but I think he likes his bachelorhood more. He’s almost 40 and has never been married which I’m not saying is bad at all. I’m saying from what I got from him in our relationship was that he wasn’t the type to settle down. He may find the right girl and do just that; never say never. Just what I got from him. If I could put my current feelings into a song lyric and with that same lyric sum up my last relationship from both points of view it would be Nirvana’s:
Love myself, better than you. I know it’s wrong, what should I do?
I could be wrong. I could want love in my life. I just don’t want it now. I’mma do me all by myself.
Money? Notorious BIG’s mo’ money, mo’ problems comes to mind. I like being comfortable. Paying my bills. Affording what I need and some things I want. I don’t want a lot though. I’m used to living on the minimalist side (nice way of saying poor) and usually I will want something and the minute I see I cannot afford it, I’ll move on. Most of the time I’ll forget I ever wanted it. I’m also highly unorganized so my shit is everywhere and I’ll lose stuff and not remember I had it until I get a wild hair to pick up and organize and I’ll find it. I’m far from materialistic and I think it’s due to being without money and the fact I was robbed once. You don’t miss what you’ve never had. I’m also afraid if I had more money, I’d be more frivolous and end up not having money to pay my bills. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Amen.
Intelligence. I love just the word intelligence. I find it to be the highest paying compliment. I’m sure there’s a quote somewhere on how beauty fades, but intelligence doesn’t. In this world even the least judgmental person will judge another’s looks. It’s natural and if you can’t admit that you do it, you’re only fooling yourself. If I see a person and think not so highly of them visually and then we talk and they speak with intelligence, their flaws begin to fade. It’s their personality, how they talk, their usage of words, their knowledge on anything and everything, how they carry themselves. So, yes, that is the one I can agree on the most.
I forget where I got this. I apologize and if it originates from you or you were part of the chain of bloggers that posted this, feel free to comment or email me.