Why does it feel like yesterday when in reality I’ve been without you for at least 6 years? Why do I continue to produce tears when something reminds me of you? Why does the thought of you make me feel like only a cigarette can calm me down? I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. I didn’t think experiencing a first true love would ever scar me like this. Why does it seem like everyone else who have had firsts healed better than this? I have had relationships since you, I have told them I loved them. Was I really lying? I suck at lying so it seems more bizarre.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I hate you for this.
But maybe it’s me I hate.
For being up so late.
Indulging in these feelings for you.
When you’re probably sleeping.
I should be sleeping, too.