Do not get me wrong, I am honored in the utmost regard to have one of my meek posts Freshly Pressed. I am writing this now and it has maybe been up for like 10 minutes which is humorous and possibly a bit pathetic. Eh.
I have owned a plenty amount of Blogs in my years here on this earth, all starting with Live Journal. I think I was 16 when I started my first. You can imagine the boy problems, school issues, insurmountable obligations that plague the mind of a 16 year old girl. It was some deep shit. Since then I have been making and dropping Blogs like… well like I do.
I will either get bored, be embarrassed of some of the topics I wrote about or thought or felt. If you’ve been reading my Blog, I have a tag, “girl garbage”. Used only for posts I’m not to sure I’m going to want to look at 6 months from now. Click the tag and BAM! Delete, delete, delete.
This Blog didn’t start any different than any of my others. One small difference might be the name I chose. I really like CombatBabe and I only have Metric to thank. Their ‘Combat Baby’ I would listen to a lot when I was in college—and if you haven’t heard it, YouTube now, I’ll wait. Jorge, the love of my life, was my Combat Baby in a sense that we were quick tempered and usually argumentative. We fought as hard as we loved and we loved as hard as we fought. As I have gotten older, I realize I am that way with everyone.
1- I am not just honest, I am brutally honest. Some people don’t like it and I don’t blame them because everyone of us sometimes only wants to hear what we want to hear. I’m not mean, I just will tell you exactly how I feel or think about something. Sometimes it’s asked for and sometimes I just give it. But I accept that about me.
2- I will still love you if you do/are doing something that goes against my grain. If you are in love with a person whom I think is bad for you I will not fault you, but I will not let you complain or talk about them to me. It’s your bed, you lie in it. If you are stripping or selling yourself, I will whole-heartedly disapprove, but you’ll still be my friend. You may drive me bat shit crazy, but my love is unconditional.
3- I put others before myself always. Most see this as a fault if they do it, too. I don’t. I may get hurt, I may get burned, but I survive and if I can help you or try to help when you don’t want it, I will.
4- I have an internal pretentiousness. It may be considered egocentric, I try not to show it. I can spot it quickly in others and it will actually turn me off about them, one of those catch 22s. I try to be humble, but I know I am intelligent. I can read people easily, I can advise people with a finesse and will only lack confidence when I come across something I don’t know or I hit an anxiety/depression spell.
5- I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. This doesn’t mean I don’t envy those who are not Bipolar, believe me I do. But I look at my disorder as a gift and I think it gives me more compassion towards others. I’ve gone full blown psychotic twice from mania and any kind of negative human experience that others are going through or have already went through, I want to reach out and hold their hand. Metaphorically and with words because I am a weirdo about touching and hugging and the like.
Focus on #4: I will lack confidence only if it’s something I don’t know (Avant-garde of the Apprehensive) or I hit an anxiety/depression spell. CUE the ANXIETY!
I didn’t think I would ever be chosen to be Freshly Pressed and I say this with sincerity. Did I want it? Yes. But I didn’t let myself want it enough to be disappointed if it never happened.
I’m grateful that my piece was recognized by WordPress editors. I couldn’t feel more enamored with everyone who Blogs here and the WordPress Blogging platform, community and the people behind it all.
My anxiety rises with the piece itself. It’s not a touching personal story, it’s my opinionated thoughts on a possibly touchy topic. I didn’t even follow the prompt that inspired it other than the simple fact that I kept it in opinion form.
This will be a true test to see how well I can follow the accepting criticism as equally as accepting praise paradigm. After all, I am combative as I explicitly state in my chosen name, ‘about what’ page, and ‘do you miss my all time lows?’ and probably most every post. I like to make sure my warning is heard.
I like controversy, I like hearing other people’s opinions, I like discussions, debates, etc. I just hope I can handle this with finesse. I don’t want to feel hurt by a criticism and react in anger or make someone feel like there opinion is unwarranted. I put myself out there, WordPress just nudged me a little further.
New readers I welcome, readers who’ve been following I enjoy and appreciate you. Let’s keep on keeping on. And again, thank you.